odd things that happened today...

08:56... as I'm stumbling around getting ready for work I get a phone call from an ex-boyfriend I haven't spoken to in almost 10 years... we spend half an hour chatting and catching up.


11:07... patient begs me to let him pay for his Lortab with lottery tickets

16:00... flowers delivered to me at work from the boyfriend unit. He's never done that in a year and a half of dating...

17:23... Crazy lady calls wanting to know how much the pills are in the round bottle. I have to explain that ALL bottles are round and ask her to be more specific...

20:16...boyfriend unit calls to see if I'm home from work and if I've had dinner and then takes me out. (we usually don't even get to see each other during the week because of scheduling conflicts and location of our respective dwellings)

JCW

It's better to have tasted fantasy and to still have the escape of blissful daydreams than to live in the reality of what actually happened.

Other than Paris....

things we'll always have...

2nd Grade

a witch and warlock

Vinita

Tulsa

180

one Christmas

one baptism

Just Remember

a silly promise.... (I kept my end, I wasn't 25 yet!)

a drama tournament

moments with family

each other

one breath taking moment

friendship

love




Let me know if I missed anything...

my bubble

Usually I love my bubble, but right now I feel like it's closing in around me.

acceptance

Sometimes you have to take the good along with the bad and realize that the bad isn't as bad as you think. Nothing can replace intensity and passion, but there is something to be said for loyalty, comfort, and someone who challenges you.

Extracted

I have extracted myself from an icky situation. I just wish it was as easy to delete friends from your life as it is to delete them from your FaceBook or MySpace. I'm sure in about a month we'll be able to laugh at this, but that's not going to happen tonight.

Honesty

If you both told each other everything you've told me, it probably wouldn't have come to this.

rejection

Fuck you. You knew exactly what you were doing. It's my own stupid fault though.

validation?

three of your friends pulled me aside at different times last night to tell me that you don't deserve me. If so many other people can see it besides me and people close to me, why can't you? I try so hard for you, I hate failure and I hate to quit.... but I may have to accept failure and move on.

bleh...

you had become so easily infused in my day to day activities that I hardly noticed. I hope this hurts you too. Maybe just a lil worse than me.

selfish.

I don't often step up and say I want something out of fear I'm being selfish or hurting someone in the process. I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone. I think I want this. I know it won't be easy. I'm used to doing things the hard way. It makes life more interesting. I've always set my sights way to high then freaked out thinking I can't attain the goal. The one good piece of advice I've gleaned from my dad is "Can't never tried". How can I look at something and say "I can't have this" if I haven't even tried to obtain it? Screw you. I want to try so I can validly say I can't, but at least I tried. I've sat out on too many things because I thought I was being selfish. I want to be impulsive. I want to take the risk. One of my favorite quotes from my favorite book is "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours." I know I'm better. I know I can do it. The only question is, Why.

Does it look like I'm ready???

ok...so... the boyfriend came within an inch of his life this morning.

I'm standing at the foot of the bed rifiling through my suitcase. I'm in my jeans, my hair is still wet, and I have no makeup on.

The boyfriend says "So are ya ready?"

I say "Does it look like I'm ready?"

He says "Can I have a lil less attitude?"

I say "Can I have a lil less stupidity?"


Jeezus. Really. We've been together for a year and a half, he knows what I look like when I'm "ready". Have I ever gone out in public the entire time he's known me in unbuttoned jeans, bra, wet hair, and no makeup???