Snowman

I had a little fun playing in the snow over the weekend...

The past few weeks have been very eye opening to me. I felt mad at the Blue Eyed Boy for the first time. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends and people from work. I've even gone out on a few dates with a couple different guys. I'm really enjoying this whole being single thing. I should have done this years ago. I was driving home from one of my dates one evening and that was when I got mad at the Blue Eyed Boy. I realized that as much as I love(d) him and as much fun as we had together, he was really holding back from a lot of things. I went out with the girls from work one night and ended up spending the majority of the evening out on the dance floor, which is something he never would do with me. I had to beg him for just one dance, one of the guys I'm seeing now, I have to beg to take a break from the dance floor. I used to spend my weekends at home just hoping that maybe my Blue Eyed Boy would get to come through town for even just an hour. Now I find myself playing einey-meeney-miney moe to see who I spend my weekends or evenings off with.

I've been on a organic/vegetarian kick lately. In my quest for eating healthy I learned something. I don't like lentils. They look like bloated ticks. I shared this discovery with my friend, Sam. Sam is offended that I don't like lentils because apparently that's a staple in Indian cooking. So now I have a date on Sunday. Sam is going to take me out for Indian food. Should be interesting... Any suggestions on what to order????

How do your mourn the loss of someone you never physically met, but had regular, if not daily contact with? Someone that you may not even know their real name? Someone you shared some of your deepest secrets, fantasies, and hopes with? I wish I knew how to describe the way I feel. I'm used to feeling numb, but this is different. I woke up this morning remembering the news I heard last night. I feel blank. I don't even have the usual groggy 'I don't want to get up feeling'. I don't know what to do with my extra time in the mornings without this person to chat with. Going on like nothing's happened seems so wrong, but what else is there to do? It's not like the people in my 'real life' would even understand this.

Am I asking too much?

Today at work the girls were grilling me on what I want in a guy so they can fix me up. I've decided to compose a list of what I want (in no particular order) and see if I have any takers...

1. must sit on the sofa, scratch himself, drink beer, and burp while watching football.... the catch is, he needs to look good while doing this, I don't want a lazy slob.

2. must be willing to take me to monster truck rallies or mud runs

3. must clean up well for a night out on the town

4. must actually want to attend and enjoy said night out on the town and not bitch about wanting to go home the entire time

5. must be capable of intelligent speech

6. must NOT be a whiny mama's boy

7. must NOT use more hair or skin care products than me

8. tattoos and piercings are a plus, but not required

9. must have a dirty enough mind to make me laugh, but sweet enough to bring home to my mama.

10. must understand or accept my love of black & chrome

11. must understand that just because I sometimes just want to curl up the the corner with a book, doesn't mean I'm pissed off.

12. must be able to fix stuff when it breaks but know when to admit defeat and call a professional

13. not required, but it'd be nice if he was less than 6 feet tall

14. must be able to complete following sentence correctly "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya,you killed my father, _______ ______ ________!"

15. I have no musical talent, but it'd be nice if the guy could at least play an acoustic guitar so I could kick back with a beer and listen to him jam.

16. NO SMOKING!!!

17. must like to go fishing... and be willing to take my fish off the hook.... I can't stand to touch the slimy lil fuckers.

18. must understand that the world revolves around me, but also has a life outside of me as well

19. must have skills... yeah THOSE kind of skills...

20. must not be clingy and possesive