my blue eyed boy

Our first kiss happened back in May. He was walking me to my car after meeting some mutual friends for a few rounds of beer and pool. We were hugging goodbye just like we'd been doing for years. This time the hug lasted a little longer and then suddenly but gently he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me the most amazing kiss. As cliche as it sounds, it gave me chills. I was almost speechless afterward. Always the smart ass, all I could say was "It's about time."

He and I have known each other since the 8th grade and have been trying to hook up ever since but the timing and distance was always off. This past summer the timing was finally right and the physical distance was workable. This boy was always in the back of my mind as 'the one that got away.' Now he's mine and we're finally having our chance.

getting some air

Now normally taking some time away from a relationship to sort out feelings isn't such a bad idea and can be a good experience..... as long as the person you're in the relationship with is aware of what you're doing. Did I cheat? Yes. Was it wrong? Yes. Do I regret it? No.

I didn't start out with any intention of cheating. I thought we were in some kind of a rut due to the hours and hectic schedules we were working. I thought that it'd be a good idea to look for a new job with more regular hours so we could have more time to concentrate on the relationship.

In my quest for a new job I ended up befriending a local business owner that was around my age. It started out as a part time job and progressed to something else. We were both in similar places in our respective relationships and would often spend hours after closing just talking about our significant others and how we wished we knew how to fix our troubled relationships. Quite honestly, since hind sight is always 20/20, if we had put that much effort into the relationships, we probably wouldn't have turned to each other. Sexually or Emotionally. After about 2 months of a steamy sexual affair we decided that we need to cool it and try to make an effort to make things work with our better halves.

I threw myself into trying to be a better girlfriend to the guy I'd been seeing. I made the extra effort to spend more time with him, cook dinner, and try to recapture that spark we used to have. But it just wasn't there. I should have left then when I realized it. But I let it drag on for months letting the poor guy think everything was OK, all the while I was miserable.

Starting Over

A few months ago I finally broke up with a really great guy that I'd been with for over 2 years. It was a really hard decision to make and an even harder thing to do. He didn't do anything wrong, he was the perfect boyfriend. He always made a big deal about birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day, and all the other times guys can be bone heads about. He was even half-way decent in the sack. He was the first guy to make me orgasm from sex. He sent me dozens of roses over the time we were together and frequently surprised me with all kinds of gifts. He liked to go shopping and would even attempt to cook. His world seemed like it revolved around me. I couldn't handle that anymore. It was boring. I didn't realize how bored I was until a good friend of mine asked me what it was me and that guy had in common. I got all defensive and angry at that friend because I couldn't come up with an answer on the spot. I seriously started thinking about that. After knowing someone for almost 4 years and dating for over 2 of those years, that should have been really easy to answer. That marked the beginning of the end.

I decided that perhaps I just needed some space from the relationship to figure out my feelings for him. During that time of exploring my space, I did a few things that I'd like to say that I'm not proud of, but instead, in some sick way I AM proud of them. I'm proud that I had the guts to do some of the things I did, kinda proud that I got away with them, but I'm almost ashamed because I hurt such a great person that didn't deserve it.