work in progress... part 2

recent events have made me realize something else that makes me happy.

The boyfriend unit has been having a hard time lately with work and some personal issues... No, his misery doesn't make me happy... although sometimes I wish it would... but I digress... He was having a particular rotten day, so I sent him a cookie bouquet at work.

My favorite co-worker has was having a bad day today, so I brought her a Happy Meal when I went to fetch lunch for the boss.

The fuzzy feeling I've made someone else happy makes me happy.


So, on my list of things that take me to my happy place we've got fire, marshmallows, family, and performing random acts of kindness.

Work in progress...

The only person that I can hold acountable for my happiness is ME. I am going to list my happy moments until I find the common demoninator. It is my goal to not only have a happy past, but a happy present and future as well. Here goes... in no particular order....

*sitting on a log by the bonfire roasting marshmallows with my family after Aunt Bobby's funeral.

*when I made it to the top of the lighthouse and looked down.

*when I passed my PTCB exam

*the first time I hit the bullseye on the target

*roasting marshmallows with my nephews after Grandma's funeral

*the look on Quentin's face when he opened his Star Wars Holiday Special bootleg for Christmas

*finishing a good book

*running up to my grandfather as he was getting off the plane, him reaching down, picking me up and giving me the hug that only a grandfather could give



ok... so I know I've been happier more than that but I have to take a dive in my brain cells.... so far the common things have been fire, marshmallows, and family.

Scott was right after all....

Scott said that closure and healing wouldn't truly happen until you moved on too. It hit me like a ton of bricks to see that you had another girl. That's why the phone calls and texts stopped. It wasn't because you were busy with work, it was because you'd met someone. I'm happy for you, really I am. It sucks that we can't be happy together. I can talk about you now and smile instead of cry. I can remember you most of the time without tearing up. Summertime is always the hardest. Summertime was OUR time.

Things I want to forget:
* the feeling I had when I began to realize it might be over

* you confirming that feeling

* spending a month crying on the bathroom floor

* the piece of me that's missing without you

* that I still love you

Things I want to always remember:
* laying beside you in a tangle of sheets and each other catching our breaths and you saying "No matter what happens between us, remember this moment"

* the way you held on to me when it was time to go on a job and not knowing when you'd see me again.

* the way you'd jump out of the truck and run to me after you'd been gone, pick me up, and say "kiss my face"

*that night you put your hand on the back of my head, and as you were pulling me down to you, you saying "come down here and make love to me"

* the way I felt just being in your presence, be it on the phone or live in person. I never felt alone, I always felt loved and important.

*sitting on the sofa with my legs propped up on your lap listening to you play the guitar